I am the dumbest person.

Dear people, please stop being flaky on your really fucking important commitments.

Holy shit. I hate people. So much. Right now.

edit: Oh, holy shit. It is six hours later and I still hate people.

What the fuck, people? Look, this isn’t difficult; you tell somebody that you’re going to do something, and then you do it. This isn’t, like, the fucking California bar exam or launching a NASA rocket to the fucking moon, this is agreeing to move some fucking boxes six blocks west. Not difficult. If you promise to do this thing, this one fucking thing, this thing that you yourself understand is vitally important, then why the fuck are you not doing it, holy shit, do you realize how incredibly difficult everything gets because you were such a lazy fuck that you couldn’t even bother to tell me that you couldn’t fucking do it? And so you decide to fucking throw me in front of this fucking bus because apparently my time is so much fucking less important than your fucking time, which I apparently must remind you because your brains are made of shit, your fucking time which you had committed to this endeavor voluntarily, but of course I have to explain this to you because of your shit-brain, and so, fuck, never mind, you know what, choke on your fucking dick or get pushed into traffic or something, whatever, fuck you, fuck you, et cetera.

HOLY. SHIT. GUYS. So angry.

edit edit: if tumblr took animated gifs, i’d totally post one of john goodman being all like, “fuck you, you fucking fucks,” but i guess this youtube video is going to have to do.

Thirst (dir. Park Chan-wook)

MY WEBSITE IS DOWN FUCK

So I get like a year of uptime when the only thing on it is some dumb picture of a dude with a thumb and globe going all “MEOWVELOUS,” but then I get some content on there and the thing shuts down after one day? NICE.

edit: it’s not down, j/k

LC! SHOW! SEATTLE! TONIGHT!

Guess who will be sitting in his bed and weeping gently into his computer science homework!

The Long Blondes - Round the Hairpin. I can’t stop listening to girl-pop; send help.

I just wrote this for my computer science homework. Don’t know what it means? Neither do I!

This is the form my self-loathing has taken.

I want to eat a whole thing of candy beans.

Futile Facebook plea

Listen, girl. I know it’s sometimes hard to smile, and I know it’s sometimes embarassing getting your picture taken. But do you really have to make that smoochy face in every photo? Could you, like, practice smiling in front of a mirror for a few minutes each day so that you never have to make that smoochy face ever again? Because your smoochy face does not say, as you might think, “I am imminently smoochable.” I am not filled with an overwhelming urge to smooch your smoochy face. I have no desire to make an adjustment to my lifestyle so that I can encounter your smoochy face in a smooching context at some later point in time. Your smoochy face does not make you look cute. You look like Derek Zoolander. You look like an idiot.

(No) Smooches,
e

Actually, Kate Jackson, your tactile faculties are just fine.

Music/grammatical (non-)error joke.

Edit: I think I’ve made this joke before.