Listen, girl. I know it’s sometimes hard to smile, and I know it’s sometimes embarassing getting your picture taken. But do you really have to make that smoochy face in every photo? Could you, like, practice smiling in front of a mirror for a few minutes each day so that you never have to make that smoochy face ever again? Because your smoochy face does not say, as you might think, “I am imminently smoochable.” I am not filled with an overwhelming urge to smooch your smoochy face. I have no desire to make an adjustment to my lifestyle so that I can encounter your smoochy face in a smooching context at some later point in time. Your smoochy face does not make you look cute. You look like Derek Zoolander. You look like an idiot.
(No) Smooches,
e
